Boris the Spider Unfortunately, I was unable to take a photo before his disappearance in the long grass. My erstwhile colleague did, however, prompt me to send my first ever message to the local paper, The Hinckley Times: My pet spider Boris, acquired during the three months of lockdown, was ejected from my flat yesterday. He had grown too big for his boots, and no longer seemed to be performing his fly-catching function. What a pity that our namesake prime minister was unable to likewise eject Mr Cummings from his post for failing to undertake his function, and thereby thoroughly undermining the government's message.